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"I really thought that it was over for me then," she said, referring to being hospitalized in early August. "My husband Blake saved me. He brought me to the hospital," Winehouse, told German weekly news magazine Stern.
The "Rehab" pop star canceled several performances after being hospitalized for what her rep described at the time as "exhaustion." Husband Blake Fielder-Civil had rushed the singer to a central London medical center.
Within the month, Winehouse's in-laws opened up about the hospital dash, and their daughter's problems with substance abuse. "We are in hell," Georgette Fielder-Civil told PEOPLE. He added "People who take drugs don't care about other people [but only care about their next fix]."
Interviewed in Hamburg prior to a concert there last week, Winehouse found the German reporter staring at the scars on her arms. "Those are wounds, old wounds. You know. I wasn't well in August," she said. But when the reporter asked if she was now clean of drugs, she snapped: "That's none of your business."
Just days later, the couple were arrested in Norway on Oct. 18 for alleged marijuana possession.
Winehouse also admitted the haze that life has become for her. "Lots of times I have no idea what I'm doing. Not until the next day do I have any memory," she said. "Blake tells me later what happened. And then I'm infinitely ashamed."
Winehouse said she she's sometimes shocked at the situations she gets into. "I recently saw a picture of me when I got out of the hospital. I didn't even recognize myself," she said.
But, she added, she feels she needs the excesses. "I believe that the pain makes me feel alive. Being willing to suffer for something means that I'm not just apathetic about them."
